Male victims of domestic abuse
Is it different for men? There are both similarities and differences. Some of the responses to violence from a partner are the same. Being abused by somebody you love and trust can be confusing and bewildering, and any victim whether male or female may wonder if it's their fault. The emotions they feel are going to be similar whether they are male or female, but it can be harder for men to cope with the emotional impact of domestic abuse.
Admitting to being abused is difficult for anybody, but men often don't have the social networks in place to easily tell a friend or family member. When guys go down the pub it is not necessarily for a chat. Phone lines, like the Men's Advice Line (MALE), will give them the opportunity to talk in confidence.
For both male and female victims of abuse, the message is the same:
- you are not alone
- it is not your fault
- help is available.
What can I do if I am in a violent relationship?
- Recognise that it is happening to you.
- Accept that you are not to blame.
- If possible, try and extricate yourself from the situation and leave as your personal safety is of paramount importance.
- Do not retaliate physically or verbally
- Keep a diary of incidents, noting down times, dates and witnesses, if any.
- Keep a photographic record of injuries.
- Report each incident to your GP or hospital.
- Take advice regarding injunctions from a reliable solicitor.
- Seek help from a local council housing officer, especially if children are involved.
- Ensure that you have your evidence.
What can i do if i am in a controlling relationship?
- Services now recognise that you don't have to be hit to be hurt — contact a local domestic abuse service and talk about it.
- Learn what your options are
- Recognise what strategies you adopt to manage the consequences
- Find someone you can trust and talk it through
- Whilst most victims are female, services do recognise that male victims do exist, so talk to them
- Make records about what is happening and keep the notes safe, document what is happening and how that makes you feel
- Taking on a pattern of coercive or controlling behaviour in an intimate or family relationship is a criminal offence
What help is available?
Men have exactly the same rights as women to be safe in their own homes. All statutory services (the police, Crown Prosecution Service, housing departments and social services) have a duty to provide services to all, whatever their gender. Men are protected by exactly the same laws as women — anyone who has assaulted another person, regardless of the gender of either, can be prosecuted.
If you are a man experiencing domestic violence and you need emergency help you can call the police on 999. If you don't find the right help immediately, it's important that you keep looking until you find someone who can support you at this difficult time. It doesn't make you weak to ask for help.
For men, women and adolescents who have experienced sexual abuse. Main helpline: 01926 402 498- Specialist men's helpline: 0808 800 5005 Specialist young people’s helpline: 0808 800 5007
For adult male survivors of rape or sexual assault. Text: 020 3322 1860 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
For men experiencing domestic violence and abuse. Helpline: 0808 801 0327 Email: email@example.com
The ManKind Initiative operates a confidential helpline for men who experience violence from their partners or ex-partners. Helpline: 01823 334244
Formerly the Aylesbury Vale Rape Crisis, they now serve the Aylesbury Vale and Milton Keynes areas and supports men and women affected by abuse with the aim of enabling survivors to live fulfilling lives. They also have a useful flyer regarding their services for male victims.
Tel: 01296 719772
Victim Support is an independent charity which helps people cope with the effects of crime. They provide free and confidential support and information to help you deal with your experience. Tel: 0845 450 3883
Karma Nirvana supports both male and female victims of honour crimes and forced marriages. Its staff and most of its 18 volunteers are survivors of forced marriage and/or 'honour'-based violence. Tel: 0800 5999 247
This website provides advice, information and essential contacts to help people out of a forced marriage.
Information and advice on what to do and how to get help if you've been a victim of crime in Berkshire, Buckinghamshire or Oxfordshire. Tel: 0300 1234 148
Provides information, support and advice to victims of stalking and harassment. Tel: 0300 636 0300
National Stalking Advocacy Service. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org Tel: 020 3866 4107.
Break the Silence is the new book from author Lee Marks that aims to provide support to male victims of domestic abuse based on his knowledge and experience from years as a support coordinator in this field. Between the covers comes information to help understand abuse for what it is, looking at behaviours of a female perpetrator, advice on how to stay safe, a look at the legal options and advice around healthy relationships to assist in moving forward.
Now available in paperback and eBook from Amazon.