Constructive questions to ask your friend, which may help them clarify their thinking:

• What can I do to help?
• How has his/her behaviour made you feel?
• How is it affecting you?
• How have you been coping with the abuse?
• What can you do to make yourself safer?
• What are you afraid of if you leave?
• What are you afraid of if you stay?
• Do you know when an incident is going to happen? Is there a pattern?
• What’s your worst-case scenario for yourself/your children?
• What are your worst fears for yourself/your children?
• What do you already do to protect yourself/your children?
• Which of the things you do to protect yourself/your children work in practice, and which don’t?
• What personal strengths do you have that help you to deal with this situation?
• What external resources are there to help you cope (support networks of friends and family, access to money, access to alternative accommodation and so on)? How can these be increased?
• Can I help you find out about what other choices might be available?
• Which options would be most realistic for you?
• What do you see yourself as actually being able to do?